26.09.2011

today: ???

I'm always scared of failing *again* like thousand times in my life consist of lists of my failure.
I'm scared
but I can't help seeing someone racing over me.
So I will pull my self together.
I dont know how I will face that failure *again*
but I think I can endure it.
I will.
Well, I have to.

25.09.2011

today: red

what to do?!
I dont know what I should do to please my mother
why she never did once, support me with supporting words?! not even once!
she kept pestering me.... didnt she know that gives me pressure!
I'm the easily depressed type.....
I drew a good drawing, but she never said it's a good picture. not even once!

I dont hate her. I tried my best to please her *and my father* since I was in junior high school.
I know she never expect something like that from me.
But at least once, she could have said something good to me.
once, she should have supported me.

20.09.2011 (2)

got home already too tired...
so I dont have time to think too much
I hate myself for thinking too much

I guess I sometimes stopped being myself.
well, who cares anyway?

20.09.2011

today: confuse

okay, obviously.... I put another fake smile again....
I just dont know what to say....
I think those things are not funny....
but people keep making fun of it.
I think it will only make the situation gets awkward.
maybe I think too much

I said only little things today
well, I dont know if this only gets on my mind...
but.. they seems to not listening to me
and I hate that
maybe I think too much *again*

19.09.2011

today: feeling better today

got caught in the book I read. I dont have time to feel lonely.
just wait till I finished the book.
and I will read another book.

18.09.2011 (2)

i'm pretty ambitious on whatever I did.
I want to be the number one
I want to be the winner
I want to be the main character
I want to be the center of attention for what I did

I guess, I can be pretty--no, really ambitious.

18.09.2011

today: usual

everything is not like what we see in the surface
lips might be smiling, but you'll never know what's deep inside
you might think that s/he is carefree, lead a happy round life
but you'll never know
you'll never know.

17.09.2011 (2)

today: a little better

thank God today I feel a little better compared to the days before.
I dont know what happen, it's just that I feel better

hope it lasts long

17.09.2011

i always listen
well, I try to listen
but no one wants to listen to what i have to say

16.09.2011 (2)

sometimes I feel.... tired of living
it's true
that
it's harder to life than choose to die.
but i'm not ready to die....

16.09.2011

yesterday, today: lonely

I'm in a middle of the crowd
somehow, i feel so lonely
damn lonely. 

I feel i'm a faker.
I fake my smile.
I fake my laugh.
I dont even know how to laugh whole-heartedly

I'm with my friends,
my friends who I claim as my best friends.
but still I feel lonely.
very lonely

loneliness is painful
it hurts so much
being alone is.... so much pain